Published in Natural Awakenings Atlanta's column Walking Each Other Home, November 2021

Three times in my life I have felt true bliss when my heart blossomed like a flower from divine love. The first time was when I called my ex-husband, after many years of seeking the courage, and I forgave him. When I hung up the phone, I felt a magnificent release of resentment and heartache. I thought I felt my heart grow in size. I was warm inside and my whole being glowed with a newfound peaceful energy. Bliss set in and I cried deep sobs of joy for the release I was having. I had no idea how much I had been holding on to.

The second time was in my first ayahuasca ceremony. I faced some hard lessons and after hours and hours of purging, something moved inside of me and was released. I felt myself fill with love, starting from my heart center. I knew this was spirit on its highest level, reaching down to encompass me with its divine light. I felt my heart open wide as if a rose had blossomed there. My whole being became warm, radiating light. I sat in bliss and cried tears of joy. I knew I had been blessed with divine love.

The third time was when I met the guru Amma Sri Karunamayi. I had come to a meditation retreat but was skeptical throughout most of it. A number of the shamans I had already worked with had turned out to be of low integrity and I was not going to fall for that again. I could not understand anything Amma was saying. Her words were incomprehensible to me. Yet when I went to my car to leave, something told me to stay, even though I had already been there seven hours. 

I realized my skepticism and asked for guidance to help me see what I was there to learn. I let go of my doubt and came back inside to the ceremony. Immediately I noticed the loving energy that had been building all day. I could feel it pulsing through my veins and I suddenly could understand everything Amma was saying. She had many spiritual truths to share and I wondered what I had missed when I was unable to hear her earlier.

Only the devotees were left by now and soon Amma stood up and began to leave. Everyone crowded around her, hoping to have her blessing in the form of her touch. I moved along with the crowd until an opening came and I found myself right beside her. She reached out and laid her hand on my forehead and in that motion, I felt the loving energy of the divine. Streaming down through her and into me, pure unconditional love reached my heart and it again blossomed. I stopped and stood there feeling this bliss and tears fell from my eyes once more. As I cried tears of joy, I held my hands over my heart, feeling the warmth and power of love. I knew I had been blessed again with the ultimate love of spirit. It gave me hope to see the human potential that was possible in Amma.

Each time I have experienced this bliss, was when I was finally able to let go. Allowing my heart to be open to any possibility. Each time, something had been peeled away and a breakthrough had occurred.

I could have called my ex only to have him hang up on me. Or I could have gotten in my car and left Amma’s ceremony that day. I could’ve turned away from the teaching trying to reveal itself in that ayahuasca ceremony. Thankfully, in those moments, I was fearless enough to meet it head on.

Through these experiences I have been able to see the possibility for connecting with my inherent divinity and to be more open to what the universe has to offer me. I just have to be receptive to it. Now just imagine how blissful my life would be if I could be that open hearted to every challenge life presents me with.